Not Indecisive, Just Iterating

Reframing career changes and side projects as essential steps in self-discovery

Image created by author using Sora by OpenAI

A couple of weeks ago, I changed my social media handles and website domain. Again. Updated my bios. Declared (at least to myself) that I was finally clear about my path forward.

Three days later, I changed it all back.

This cycle is unfortunately familiar. I get a burst of clarity, followed by the rush to align everything from my site to my social media accounts, maybe even a new logo and domain. Then, I feel a subtle but growing sense of discontent by the end of the week.

I used to think this meant I was indecisive. After deep introspection, and some therapy, I’m starting to understand that it’s more complex than the boxes I’ve been trying to fit into.

In college, I wrestled with two equally strong pulls: health and well-being versus technology and electronics. I loved biology, psychology, and learning about the human body. But I also loved computers, systems, and discovering how things worked under the hood.

I considered majoring in computer science, but that was a math degree with a concentration in computer science at my school. A rough experience with Calculus in high school convinced me that majoring in math or engineering was a bad idea. So I decided to study biology with the goal of becoming a physician or physical therapist.

That decision led to a 22-year career as a physical therapist and practice director. But in the background, the tech never stopped calling. I taught myself to develop websites, build custom computers, and fix nearly anything with a power button. I even built a DIY Bluetooth adapter for my SUV.

Eventually, I made the leap into digital transformation a few years ago, finally bringing my tech interests to the forefront of my career.

Writing has always been woven through my life. A constant companion regardless of which path I was on. In addition to my formal careers, I wrote for health and medical publications, and consulted on tech products in the healthcare space. Though I straddled these worlds, I never felt fully part of any single one.

This back-and-forth, pendulum swinging between tech and health, has shown up in my career, my side hustles, and my creative projects. I’ve spent countless hours drawing Venn diagrams, journaling furiously, and going down YouTube rabbit holes about purpose and ikigai.

And here’s what I’ve realized: the problem hasn’t been not knowing what I want. It’s been the fear of losing what I don’t choose. Or choosing the wrong path.

Each time I lean hard into one identity like health writer and consultant, I worry I’ll lose credibility in digital transformation. If I focus too much on tech, I worry people will forget I have two decades of clinical experience.

It’s like I’m afraid of being misinterpreted, or worse, boxed into a version of myself that doesn’t reflect the whole story.

But trying to keep every door open means I end up standing in the hallway.

This kind of circular thinking is exhausting. It siphons off energy that could be used for anything else. And it’s sneaky because it looks like “planning” or “strategic thinking.” But underneath, it’s often just fear in a business-casual outfit.

What I’m starting to learn is that this isn’t a flaw to fix. It’s a mindset to reframe.

I don’t have to choose between health and tech. I am both. I always have been. My value isn’t in being one thing—it’s in the perspective I bring from walking between the worlds. And maybe that’s the real answer: not to pick a side, but to design a life that lets me keep integrating the parts.

So yes, maybe I’ll change my domain name again. (Let’s be honest, I probably will.)

But now, I’ll try to see that not as indecision, but as iteration. A visible sign that I’m still exploring. Still evolving. Still willing to get it a little wrong in order to get it right for me.

If you’ve ever felt stuck between identities, or scared to choose because it feels like letting go of something you love or part of your identity, just know you’re not alone.

The hallway is crowded.

But the path isn’t about choosing the one right door.

It’s about building one of your own.

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Here are some topics I’m exploring for future posts:

• How my DNA test results changed my history, created questions, and challenged my perception of myself

• How math could prove that our outcomes are products of our responses to events we experience

• The connections between chronic cortisol elevation, brain fog, and ADHD-like symptoms

• The role of the cerebellum in ADHD and how balance training might help improve symptoms

• The connection between movement, attention, and our ability to focus